My Language of Loving You
by Moonlight Usagi-Chan
Summary: As White Day rapidly approaches, Chiba Mamoru finds himself at a crossroads on how to celebrate the day with his new girlfriend, Tsukino Usagi. But as someone who detests the materialistic requirements of such a holiday, what can he do to express his love and commitment to her? (Written for mochibuni for the UsaMamo 2k19 Fanwork Exchange on Tumblr!)


Happy (belated) Valentine's Day! As part of the UsaMamo Fanwork Exchange for 2019, I have written this piece for mochibuni on Tumblr. This fic is set in the 90s anime in the (painfully brief) calm between the Makaiju and Black Moon Clan. Thank you Pia Bartolini for your fabulous edits - your skills really helped polish this up!

I hope that you enjoy!

* * *

He knew it shouldn't bother him. After all, he was unintentionally eavesdropping on his girlfriend's conversation. But once Minako asked the profane question, he couldn't help but listen in.

_"Girl, what do you think you are getting for White Day?"_

He had been studying. Normally, he reviewed his textbook at the counter while sipping on his usual black coffee, but for some unearthly reason, a gaggle of middle schoolers occupied his designated spot, giggling at an obnoxious volume while slurping on smoothies. So, he took shelter at one of the booths, hidden behind a partition adorned with faux greenery. Perhaps, had he been more out in the open, Usagi wouldn't have been so... honest?

_"A snap from Team Snapchat?"_

Both girls erupted into a fit of giggles, but Mamoru was left perplexed for a moment. A snap from Team Snapchat? What did that mean? Sure, Usagi _insisted_ that he download the ridiculous app, but he hardly ever used it. In fact, the only times he did were when she would spam his account with ridiculous filtered selfies of herself and her friends, or to clear those random messages that he got from…

…Team Snapchat.

_Lightbulb. _

Nothing. She expected absolutely nothing from him.

_"You know Mamo-chan doesn't give gifts, Minako-chan." _

The disappointment was painfully obvious, from her wording to the tone of her voice. But what struck him more than the obvious disappointment was the fact that she already accepted the idea that White Day for her would be devoid of any token from him.

The girls quickly moved on from the conversation, but their words lingered in his mind. More importantly: the word 'gifts.'

Gifts. Why do people have to give gifts to show someone they care about them? What's wrong with sharing experiences, or just the enjoyment of each other's company? Does every holiday have to come with the preconceived notion that you are expected to exchange a gift? Christmas and birthdays he understood, but Valentine's Day and White Day? If you love someone, wouldn't the idea of a gesture or an act of appreciation better demonstrate how one feels?

During middle and high school, it always annoyed him that girls would flock to the gates to give his classmates their treats, as if the girls were hoping, begging to be chosen over their competitors. Hell, a select few classmates had dozens of treats, ranging from chocolate to cupcakes. Even a packed bento! Worse, he would occasionally see a young lady's affections turned down, their heart broken. So, as the years passed, he grew to hate the idea of people giving gifts on Valentine's Day to express their feelings.

Enter Tsukino Usagi.

It came as no surprise that Usagi was extremely enthusiastic about the holidays. Spending Christmas with Usagi for the first time was an experience he would never forget. From decorations to festive sweaters, right down to the bucket of KFC chicken, Mamoru quickly learned that holidays were a big deal to her. And, for Christmas at least, Mamoru reciprocated the best he knew how: he spent time with her and her family. It was painfully awkward, especially around her father and brother, but he knew it was important to Usagi. On Christmas night she came over with the chicken bucket and his gift: the first framed photograph of the two of them.

He had been embarrassed that he didn't have a gift for her, but she assured him it was okay. After all, they hadn't discussed giving gifts. Their relationship was still new. So, it really didn't come as too much of a surprise that Usagi had given him treats on Valentine's Day – chocolates she made with Mako-chan.

But that didn't mean he was obligated to give her something in return, right?

As the months went on, she became increasingly aware that he was a minimalist. In fact, he made it clear time and time again that didn't believe in the idea of buying things for the sake of love. Whether it be during a cheesy television commercial, or those ridiculous billboards promoting overpriced knicknacks, Mamoru had no qualms expressing his disinterest in gifts. Showering someone with presents doesn't equal love.

He firmly believed in acts of devotion, instead.

Tuxedo Kamen protecting Sailor Moon during battles: devotion.

Endymion dying for Serenity: grim, but nonetheless, devotion.

Mamoru let out a frustrated breath. Was he supposed to get her something just because they were dating now? Abandon his principles just to make her happy?

_Yes._

_No._

He groaned. Romance was _not_ Mamoru's forte. In fact, he was pretty damn sure he was one of the most boring boyfriends out there. He usually just stood off to the side as Usagi did her own thing. Being in each other's company was more than enough for him. If he were to suddenly start giving her these elaborate gifts on these ridiculous commercial-centric holidays, she would expect it. Not that she didn't deserve it; she deserved the world. But, if he gave her something only for the sake of the date on the calendar, would there be any real meaning behind it?

No.

_Okay, it's decided. No gift. _

"Ja ne, Usagi-chan! Minako-chan!"

"Bye, Motoki-oniisan!"

The exchange knocked Mamoru out of his thoughts and back to realty. Peeking his head above the greenery, Mamoru watched as Usagi and Minako walked down the sidewalk and away from the parlor. Next, his glance shifted to the counter, the giggling group now replaced with half a dozen empty glasses. Mamoru snapped shut the pages he'd been pretending to read and ambled to the counter as Motoki wiped down drips of pink-colored juice.

"Aye, busy day today, Motoki?"

"Definitely! But, good for business," his best friend grinned, wiping down the spot in front of Mamoru with an extra gusto. "Good as new," he exclaimed once he pulled the rag away, allowing Mamoru to place his books back on the countertop. "The usual?"

Mamoru nodded, a fresh cup of coffee soon placed in front of him. Sniffing the brew with satisfaction, he thanked Motoki and cradled the warm ceramic. A comfortable silence settled between the two of them, Mamoru deciding at that moment to flip his textbook back open and resume his studying. No more thinking of gifts, or White Day, or-

"Have you put any thought into what you might do for Usagi-chan for White Day?"

Mamoru winced internally. _Figures._ Doing his best to remain nonchalant about the whole endeavor, he kept his eyes focused on the text and replied with "Nothing. Probably just spend some time with her here after class."

Motoki stopped wiping. "That's it?"

Mamoru did his best to remain stoic. "Yeah. You know I don't believe in all this… stuff," he lamented.

Motoki shrugged. "Well, yeah, but, that was before you got a girlfriend. I would have thought…"

"That I'd suddenly be this romantic guy?" Mamoru finished for him.

Motoki shrugged again. "Well, not necessarily, but, I dunno, a little less curmudgeonly?" Mamoru rolled his eyes.

"I am not a grouch."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that," Motoki countered with a shake of his head. Silence fell between them once more, only this time, Mamoru felt uneasy. Okay, so, he wasn't the most romantic guy. He didn't hold her hand, or hug her, or, well, do much of anything, _especially_ in public. Sure, they had exchanged a few kisses here and there. But overall?

"Okay," Mamoru admitted, "maybe I _am_ a bit of a grouch when it comes to this."

"But, that's okay, Mamoru," Motoki assured. "You don't have to be Prince Charming."

_Ah, if only you knew, Motoki_.

"But," he continued, "you're dating Usagi-chan. She, well, a girl like her, she deserves something for White Day, don't you think? More than just 'spending some time together'?"

Mamoru slumped. "I guess," he admitted. "But what am I supposed to do? Go out and buy her something ridiculous, like balloons and flowers and chocolates? Because that stuff is ridiculous. How does that show her that I care about her if I run into the store and pluck something off the shelf?"

"Fair enough," Motoki replied. "So, think outside the box, then."

"What do you mean?"

Motoki pursed his lips. "You don't need to give her a materialistic gift just because it's White Day."

"I don't?"

Motoki shook his head. "No. You could pick from any of the love languages out there. You mentioned spending time with her. So, take her out that night on a date. A real date. Somewhere where she will have a smile on her face all night and the next day. Or, get in touch with your inner poet and dazzle her with some sweet words of affirmation."

"I am not reciting poetry," was the flat reply. _Considering I seem to do that on a nightly basis. _Mamoru paused. "Wait, what do you mean 'love languages'?"

"Eh heh," Motoki chuckled as he scratched at the back of his head. "There's this theory out there I've read up on. Everyone has their own love language. It's how they express their love to others."

Mamoru shook his head. "Sounds made up."

Motoki disagreed. "I actually think it has merit. So, for some people, giving gifts to the person they care about expresses their love. Others, it's spending quality time. I want to say there are five of them," Motoki paused as he pulled out his phone and tapped quickly against the screen. "Yes; receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. So, Usagi, well, she could be an advocate for all five, but you; you seem like an 'acts of service' kind of guy."

"Uh…"

"Think about it. Christmas, with Usagi-chan's family, you mentioned how awkward and uncomfortable it was. But you knew it would make her happy, so you stuck it out. That, my friend, is an act of service."

"So, what you're saying is, I speak this language of, what, commitment?"

"Correct," Motoki nodded.

Mamoru rolled his eyes. "And this is supposed to help me how? Usagi already knows I am committed to her."

"Does she?"

"Of course she does," Mamoru responded immediately, eyebrows raised in concern. "Why, do you think I'm not?"

Motoki smiled. "Of course not. But it's always good to remind someone how much you care about them."

"So, what you're suggesting is, that I do something to show her that I really care about her," Mamoru deduced. "But how do I do that without having to buy something?"

"Usagi-chan doesn't strike me as a materialistic kind of person, Mamoru-san. You're overthinking this. She's given you gifts in the past, right? Have they ever been over the top?" Motoki inquired.

And just like that, an idea came to light.

"What do you think about…"

#

"Mamo-chan!" the distinctive voice cut across the rush of traffic, prompting Mamoru to look up from his book. He smiled as Usagi's blonde hair billowed out behind her, golden waves streaming as she dashed towards him on the sidewalk. She screech to a halt in front of him, her cheeks flushed, a smile stretched fully across her face.

"Ohayou, Mamo-chan," Usagi grinned. Mamoru couldn't help but reciprocate a smile as he tipped his chin to meet her glance, taking notice of the way her blue eyes sparkled, framed beneath long lashes. How had he never noticed that before?

He cleared his throat to snap him back to attention. "Usako," he greeted. "How was your day today?"

"Oh, not bad," Usagi replied. "The usual; we had a test in English, and of course, I fell asleep during it, because I absolutely _hate_ English, and…" Usagi continued as the two of them made their way down the sidewalk with synchronized steps. Mamoru did his best to listen as Usagi talked about her day, but he felt his palms begin to sweat.

It was White Day.

After talking to Motoki and researching those ridiculous love languages later that evening, Mamoru found himself at a crossroads. As absurd as love languages seemed, he had to admit they did make some sort of sense. After all, hadn't he internalized earlier that his acts of devotion to Usagi in all her forms were how he showed his love for her?

But then he realized; yeah, as Tuxedo Kamen and Endymion, he showed his devotion to her. But what has her boyfriend Chiba Mamoru done?

Teased her? Bought her a milkshake once or twice? Met up with her after school and hung around at the counter while she played arcade games? Sat on a park bench to talk?

It became painfully obvious to him that as Chiba Mamoru he'd done _nothing_ to affirm his love.

It came so much easier to him as Tuxedo Kamen, ready with razor tipped roses and words of encouragement. Through random flashbacks and memories it was obvious that Endymion was a hundred times more romantic with Serenity, and Mamoru blushed at how over the top it was. So why hadn't he, as her boyfriend, done even half as much on this point?

And so, for White Day, Mamoru resolved he would do exactly that.

He would show her how much he cared for her.

"... only to find out that Mako-chan made THREE bentos today, totally saving me! Mamo-chan? Earth to Mamo-chan?"

Mamoru slowed his pace once he realized he was stuck in his thoughts. Usagi cocked her head to the side. "Ne, Mamo-chan, everything okay?"

"Ah, yeah," Mamoru stammered as he scratched the back of his head. "Gomen. So, Mako-chan brought three bentos?"

Usagi's smile returned. "Yeah, and filled with SO many treats! I swear I had to be rolled down the hallway back to class I was so stuffed!" She giggled at her own joke. "So, how was your day, Mamo-chan?"

"It was good, thank you for asking." When she beamed up at him once more, he felt his heart start to race. To say he was nervous was an understatement.

"So, did," he gulped, "anything happen for any of your friends today? For White Day?"

Surprise flashed across Usagi's features. "Uh, yeah, actually," she replied, "Naru received a bunch of roses from Umino. It was so cute! He dropped to one knee, presenting the flowers to her and announcing his feelings for her. And in front of everyone! She was so embarrassed but I could tell she secretly loved it," Usagi reminisced. "A few other girls got some treats or flowers, but Naru's was definitely the best."

Mamoru felt his hands start to clam up. _Shit! How am I supposed compete with that? _"Wow; that sounds... brave. Of him. To do that in front of your class."

Usagi nodded. "Mmhmm! But, that's Umino any day of the week," she assured. "He's never been afraid to show his feelings."

Mamoru couldn't help but wince. He knew that what Usagi just said wasn't directed at him, but he suddenly mired in shame. He didn't _mean_ to not show how he felt about her all these months. He just, well, was… was…

"Ne, Usako... um," Mamoru stammered as he slowed his pace once more. "Can we, go sit down somewhere instead of going to the Crowne?"

Usagi blinked a few times before concern crossed her face. "Of course! Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes, I just…" he trailed as he looked around the surrounding area, resolve immediately taking hold as he spotted the Arisugawa-no-miya Memorial Park. "Come, let's take a walk through here."

"Okay," Usagi complied, following alongside him as they entered through the gates. "You know, we seem to be in this park a lot," she mused as they strolled down the pathway. "I mean, mostly battles, but we've crossed paths in here a few times."

"Yeah, you're right," Mamoru agreed as he began to think about the coincidence. "Looks like we have a spot other than the Crowne, right?" He cast a glance over towards her, his own smile widening as she blushed and grinned.

"Yes! We do!"

They continued to make their way down the path, eventually slowing as they reached the clock fountain. Noticing that no one was around, Mamoru decided to lead Usagi to one of the benches, the two of them sitting in unison. In an attempt to calm his racing heart, he stared at the fountain, watching the water flow out of the spouts.

"Mamo-chan, are you sure you're alright?"

Mamoru sucked in a breath. _Why am I so nervous? I seem to be able to say anything when I'm Tuxedo Kamen. So why can't I now?_ He startled when he felt Usagi place a hand over his.

"Um, I just," he stumbled, his eyes still focused on the fountain water. _Just spit it out, Chiba, before you give the girl a heart attack. Or worse, yourself a panic attack!_ "I know that I'm bad at this stuff."

"This... stuff?" Usagi reiterated. "What stuff?"

"This. Dating. Being a boyfriend," he confessed. Mamoru forced himself to move his stare away from the fountain and solemnly to Usagi, whose eyes were wide with confusion. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve it."

Usagi placed her hand on his bicep gently. "Ne, Mamo-chan; it's okay."

"No, Usako; it's not. I, I know that I need to be better at showing you, telling you, how much I care about you. How much I love you." He felt his heart jolt as the words left his lips. "You deserve to hear me say it each and every day."

"Mamo-chan," she whispered.

"Because I do. I do love you. And not just because we've fought together as allies the last year, or because of our past, but because you," he paused as he wrung his hands together, "just being with you, near you, makes me feel…" Mamoru bit down on his lip as he tried to find the right word. Complete? Whole? He opened his mouth, hoping the right word would magically pop out, only to be stunned silent when he felt Usagi's hand press against his cheek. He turned and met her gaze.

"I know, Mamo-chan, I know," Usagi replied softly. "Because it's exactly how I feel about you." He smiled as she let her hand drop into his hand, which he happily caught. He let out a staggered breath, allowing the nerves that built up to relax a bit. The two of them sat in each other's company for a few moments, staring at the fountain and listening to the birds, and Mamoru loved every second of it.

After talking to Motoki, Mamoru vowed that he would do whatever he could to show Tsukino Usagi what she meant to Chiba Mamoru. And while he thought about taking her on a date, or buying her something cheesy (despite every fiber in his being telling him not to), he realized there was one thing he rarely, if ever did: tell her how he feels. Ironically enough, one of those stupid love languages Motoki alluded to.

Finding the words was rough. Not because he didn't feel them for her; he truly did. But speaking them? Saying them out loud? It was… _frightening_. Not because she would reject him, but because he spent years building a wall around him, not really letting anyone in.

However, the moment Usagi barreled into his life, she broke that wall. Each and every day she crumbled a little bit more of it. He knew it would only be a matter of time until it would be rubble. But, like a caterpillar in a cocoon, he knew he wasn't ready yet.

And, by the grace of the Serenity, Usagi _understood._

"I do," Mamoru suddenly said, interrupting the solace between them, "have something for you for White Day."

Usagi jumped in her seat, anxiously shifting her body position toward him. "What? You do?!" she exclaimed, disbelief obvious.

He reached into his bag and pulled out a rectangular, wrapped item. He held it out to her. She graciously accepted and immediately tore at the paper. It wasn't much; certainly nothing of significant monetary value. But, in planning his demonstration of love he had a feeling the words would most likely fail him (figures), and wanted to do one more thing for her. Something special. Something that showed her how much he loved her.

"Mamo-chan, this… it's," she lifted a small, framed photo of the two of them with reverent awe. It was his favorite picture of them; his arms around her shoulders, her holding up a peace sign. An ever-persistent Minako snapped it one afternoon at this very park.

"I know I'm not always the best at saying or doing things but, I hope you know that not just on White Day, but everyday, I love you, Usako," Mamoru said with peaceful conviction. "Forever and always."

"I love you, Mamo-chan," she replied, happiness woven through each word. "It's perfect. So perfect. I'll treasure it always."


End file.
